The Importance of Grief Work for Emotional Readiness on The Solo Parenthood Path
When "Choice" Doesn't Feel Like a Choice
Sometimes the life-changing decision to become a Single Mother by Choice doesn't feel like a choice at all. The word "choice" suggests selecting between two equal possibilities.
But if you're a woman whose longing to have a child lives at the core of your being and you're not presently partnered, becoming a Choice Mom may feel less like an empowered decision and more like an inextricable next step.
Whether your path to solo parenthood feels like an empowered choice or a confronting way forward, there's usually much to grieve before you're ready to move ahead.
You may feel the ache that the right and ready partner you've prayed for has not yet arrived. You may be grieving the end of a relationship with someone you hoped would parent alongside you.
You may feel sorrow that your child won't have a biological father as you always imagined. You may regret that you didn't start this journey sooner. You may feel devastated at the thought of embarking on this path alone.
I am here to tell you: your grief and disappointment are natural and human. It makes sense that you feel this ache, sorrow, regret, and devastation.
Don't turn away from these feelings. Lean into them. Here's why learning how to grieve is so important in preparing yourself for solo parenthood.
What is Grief and Why Does it Matter on the SMC Path?
Grief is an emotional response to loss. We often associate anticipatory grief with the death of a loved one, but grief can arise from many types of losses: the end of a relationship, a major life transition, or the disappointment of not having something you've always wanted.
Since many on the SMC path didn't grow up dreaming of being solo parents or using IUI, IVF, surrogacy, or adoption to create their families, learning how to grieve and let go is an essential skill for maintaining physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness.
Through grief therapy, single mothers by choice can process these layered losses with compassion and build emotional readiness by honouring what was hoped for while finding peace in the family they have intentionally created.
Understanding Emotions as Energy
I teach my clients that emotions are like energy currents that live in our bodies. When we're in touch with our full range of emotions and know how to express them—even when they're extremely uncomfortable—our mind and body function optimally.
When we ignore, push away, or check out from our emotions to avoid discomfort, energy gets stuck in our bodies, leading to anxiety, depression, and a variety of physical ailments.
Grief isn't a single emotion. It's more like a constellation of different feelings like sadness, anger, guilt, regret, anxiety, fear, loneliness, isolation, numbness, emptiness, love, yearning, confusion, and disorientation – that can arise unpredictably and sometimes all at once.
When grief gets trapped or suppressed, it feels like blocked energy. People describe tightness in their chest, a lump in their throat, heaviness in their limbs, or a sense of being frozen.
When grief moves—through tears, through talking, through physical release—there's often a sense of relief, even if the sadness remains.
This is where grief counselling can help by gently supporting the release of that stuck energy, allowing emotions to move safely so the body and mind can find relief and regain balance.
Why Clearing These Blocks Matters
When we don't process and move through our grief, we carry these emotional blocks into our future relationships—with ourselves, with our children, and with potential partners. Unprocessed grief doesn't simply disappear. Often, it will cause us to act it out unconsciously.
Unmetabolized grief may express itself as feeling inexplicably short-tempered with our child over small things because we are inadvertently projecting our unresolved disappointment onto them.
We might struggle with feelings of resentment or victimhood that lead to low self-esteem and depression.
We could unconsciously push away people who are available to love and support us because we are scared to risk getting hurt.
By doing the grief work now, we clear these blocks and pave the way for healthier, more conscious relationships in every area of our lives.
How I Help My Coaching Clients Do Grief Work
I was recently supporting a coaching client who had just heard from her endocrinologist that her fertilized embryos were not genetically viable for the IVF cycle she had been planning. When she heard the news, her initial thought was "That's okay. I'm okay."
But as we took the time to slow down and investigate what she was noticing in her body, she made contact with a heaviness in the back of her neck and hollowness in her stomach.
I invited her to breathe and stay present with these sensations, simply allowing them to be there without judgment.
As she stayed with her experience, she recognized that until now she had busied herself with her usual professional commitments to avoid touching feelings that lived under the surface.
As her awareness deepened, she noticed how the weight of her grief was intimately intertwined with the warm throb of her longing. She was struck by how her loss reaffirmed her true longing to conceive her own child.
As we continued to stay with these sensations, more revealed itself. She named a feeling of regret that her younger self hadn't prioritized finding a partner and starting her family earlier.
I asked if I could talk to the part inside of her that represented her younger self, so we could learn more about what she had been up to.
This part responded that she had been focusing on her career, spending time with friends, and travelling the world.
When I asked her how she felt toward her younger self, she reported that she felt compassion. She could appreciate that she had indeed been living her best life. I asked her to shine that compassion toward her younger self. As she did, something softened.
After sitting quietly together, she shared that something inside was releasing and letting go. When she made contact with and acknowledged her sadness, regret, and loss, these feelings could open up and move through her.
With more space inside, she felt more connected to herself and clearer about her next steps on her path to solo parenthood.
Other Ways to Move Grief and Let Go
While working with a therapist or coach can provide guided support through grief, there are also practices you can explore on your own:
Physical Movement — Walking, dancing, yoga, even just shaking or stretching, can help discharge the physiological arousal that comes with intense emotion. The body holds grief, so moving the body helps process it.
Emotional Expression — Crying, screaming into a pillow, or venting to someone safe gives the emotion a pathway out. Holding it in takes constant muscular and psychological effort.
Creative Outlets — Writing, art, or music can transform grief's energy into something external, making the internal experience more manageable and sometimes even meaningful.
Ritual and Ceremony — Structured practices like lighting a candle, creating a personal ceremony, or other rituals provide containers for grief to move through and honour what you're letting go of.
Get gentle guidance in being with grief and loss, a blog where I reflect on how I’ve learned to sit with grief rather than push it away.
Moving Forward with Grief to Prepare for Solo Parenthood
The often uncomfortable feelings and sensations that arise with grief aren't experiences to eliminate but energies to allow to flow. Resistance creates the stuck feeling; curiosity and permission create movement.
As you prepare for your journey as a Single Mother by Choice, know that your grief is not an obstacle to overcome but a natural part of the transition. By honouring what you're letting go of, you make space for what's coming—and you become more emotionally ready for the profound experience of solo parenthood.
If you're navigating grief, uncertainty, or complex emotions on your SMC journey, you don't have to do it alone. I offer compassionate, body-centred coaching to help you process what you're feeling and prepare emotionally for the path ahead.
You do not have to do this alone. Learn how building a village as a single mother by choice can give you the support and confidence you need to move forward.
Contact me today to schedule a free consultation. Together, we'll explore how grief work and somatic awareness can support your readiness for solo parenthood.
