The Single Greatest Skill You'll Need to Survive as a Single Mother by Choice

I was sitting with a new coaching client today, another solo mom, who was sharing how alone and exhausted she feels being the one who "takes care of everything all the time."

Gosh, I could relate. Today was my first day back in the office after my son's two-week winter holiday. I was remembering that I'd gone to bed the previous night in my whiny, victim-y place.

My son and I had both caught a virus at the tail end of our vacation, which, to my dismay, delayed his return to school another full day. We had both been up the better part of the last three nights, tossing and turning from awful viral symptoms.

I had spent the last three days trying to survive as a single mother, keeping my kid engaged and comfortable, preparing nourishing food for our ailing bodies, doing multiple rounds of dishes, and attempting to prevent my home from descending into cluttered chaos, all while congested and cranky.

As I lay my head down on the pillow in utter exhaustion, I could hear that whiny, victim-y part inside of me having a hissy fit. "Whahhhh... I'm a sick mom taking care of my sick kid all alone. I'm tired of this. I just want someone to take care of me for a change!"

And then something happened. Another voice inside my head was like, "Yeah, I hear you. This has been a seriously hard week. You have a right to feel tired of 'taking care of everything all the time.' I see you, and I'm here with you." I softened as a warm wave rolled down my body. These words touched me like a deeply longed-for and unexpected embrace.

There I was—the partner inside of me that I had forgotten. It struck me that when the whiny, victim-y part is in charge, it's because I've abandoned myself. I've forgotten that I can lean on myself to be the caring, helpful, nurturing partner who listens and responds in a way that soothes my aloneness and offers the extra boost I need to get through the rough moments of solo parenting.

Finding The Partner Inside

The truth about being a Single Mother by Choice is that even when you have built your village, and know that you have trusted friends you can call, there will inevitably be moments when you feel desperately alone and exhausted. The single greatest skill you need to survive as a Single Mother by Choice is building a resilient relationship with the partner inside of you.

Read more: Building a village as a single mother by choice

There is no perfect substitute for a second parent. Being a Single Mother by Choice is extremely hard. And just because you consciously chose this path does not mean you are "not allowed" to feel down in the dumps sometimes, wishing you had a partner to finish the dishes and offer you an embrace at the end of a long day.

There will be many moments when you do feel utterly alone. In those moments, there is usually someone to call. At best, they will put down the phone and come do the thing you need help with.

At a minimum, they will offer empathy, care, and encouragement. Rarely will they be able to make the challenge go away because some of the challenge is honestly baked into the equation.

This moment of self-compassion was fresh in my mind when I sat with my client in her moment of whiny victimhood. I beamed my understanding eyes at her, softened my voice, and invited her to find the nurturing partner inside.

How to Access Your Inner Partner

So how do you actually find this partner inside of you when you're in the thick of emotional exhaustion and overwhelm? Here's what I've learned:

Notice the whiny, victim voice without judgment. That voice isn't bad or wrong—it's actually trying to tell you something important. You're exhausted. You're overwhelmed. You need support. Acknowledge it rather than pushing it away.

Speak to yourself the way a loving partner would. What would you want to hear in that moment? "I see how hard you're working." "You're doing an amazing job." "I'm here with you." Say these words to yourself, out loud if possible, and notice how your body responds.

Ask yourself what you need—and then provide it if you can. Sometimes it's as simple as making yourself a cup of tea, taking five minutes to sit down, or putting on a show for your kid so you can rest. The partner inside knows what would help.

This isn't toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It's about developing the capacity to be present with yourself in your hardest moments—to truly see yourself, acknowledge your single mother struggle, and offer yourself the compassion and support you deserve.

Building this relationship with your inner partner doesn't happen overnight. It's a practice, one that deepens each time you choose to turn toward yourself with kindness rather than judgment. And over time, you'll find that while solo parenting remains hard, you're no longer quite so alone in it.

Because the truth is: you've had a partner all along. You just needed to remember they were there.

Ready to Find Your Inner Partner?

If you're feeling alone or lonely in your solo parenting journey and struggling to access that nurturing voice inside, you don't have to figure it out on your own.

As a coach specializing in supporting Single Mothers by Choice, I help women like you develop this life-changing relationship with your inner partner—so you can move from single parenting exhaustion and overwhelm to resilience and self-compassion.

In our work together, you'll learn practical tools to recognize when you've abandoned yourself, speak to yourself with the kindness you deserve, and tap into the unwavering support that's always available within you.

You'll discover that while solo parenting will always have its challenges, you have far more inner resources than you ever imagined. You chose this path with courage and intention. Now let me support you in thriving on it.

Schedule a free consultation today to explore how coaching can help you find the partner you've been looking for—the one who's been inside you all along.