Seems like just yesterday you were closing in on 30. You may have thought about having a child. Or it may have been the furthest thing from your mind. After all, you had plenty of time.
Perhaps you were still single. Perhaps you were pursuing your career or furthering your education.
We often associate grief with the death of a loved one. But what about the death of a love? Breaking up with a romantic partner can certainly feel like death!
People change. We’re not static beings by any means. Even our cells die away and are replaced. We’re ever-changing and always renewing at our core.
So why expect a romantic partner to remain the same?
Our grief, which by definition is deep sorrow over loss, is often compartmentalized. Even the deepest grief for the death of a loved can be confined to a few hours of public grief at a funeral home.
As long as we keep grief within those walls, it won’t swallow us whole. That’s what we think.
“What has to die is your refusal for things to die. Your refusal for things to end. If that dies life can be fed by that.” — Stephen Jenkenson, Orphan Wisdom School
A few years back, I found myself falling head-over-heals for a new man in town.
He was strikingly handsome, sensitive yet strong, and well attuned to the tones and shifts of my inner world. His sexy British accent melted me and his is dry humor sent me into stitches with laughter. I quickly opened my heart to him and felt ecstatic when he chose to enter.
With him in my life, I shined in full glow.
Then one horrible night . . . he turned around and walked right out . . .
Do we have realistic expectations about marriage? Probably not…
In part one, you read a historical overview of the evolution of marriage from an “arrangement” built on economic and political security, patrimony, and lineage to a “promise” of mutual fulfillment–emotional, spiritual, and sexual.
Yet, we still long for the old-fashioned marriage ideals of safety, security, dependability, and familiarity. And now we also expect the new marriage ideals of ever-present passion, authentic intimacy, equality, and self expression.
Did you know that marriage wasn’t always about love?
In fact, it used to be more of a first natural step into adulthood, a practical economic partnership, and a societal expectation, than any epic love story.
It wasn’t so long ago that marriage was as a matter of convenience, built on economic and political security, patrimony, and lineage — the power balance tipped nearly completely to the male side.